I don't know if it's good to post on here, but I need advises and suggestions, whether for or against my views. This shit is long, I dont know if you people will be able to finish reading this, but yeah... please help.

July 2005, I went to China for couple weeks to visit around, and went to see the new factory that is being built. Then, I returned to the states end of July for work in univ.

January 2006, my mom told me on a weekend I return from univ. about my dad and the factory in china. I have known for a while that my dad has love affairs with the head of the factory for many years... and she thinks that the old factory would be out of control because she had a really bad mouth-fighting with my dad and the head of the director. She wanted to move the old factory smoothly to the new one, but she does not want to have the head to go to the new factory as it will cause more trouble...

April 2006, classes finished, spring break... and it's the time for me to go to China and so-called help... so I went there for the first time, and started out working from scratch. Some people are nice to me because you know, I am the son of the boss. However, they look down on you at the back because you don't know anything... you just... appeared from no where, and have no exp with anything. In addition, my Dad told me that she had affairs with the girl since 10/1995... which is like... 10 years ago, and a bunch of shit about her such as pregnant and stuff... I got really sick of it and went to the new factory as it starts working since May...

June 2006, after about 2 months of being in China, I can tell you... I really hate it. It's just not a place for me... and all the stuff here have shitty quality, and all the people here are nearly not worth any trust. All they want is your $$$... since you are from foreign, the gov't ask money from you cause you need to do business here, the people that works for the gov't also ask money from you because they know you need to go through them to get all the stuff... even the workers in your company gives you hard time because they know "you need them" since it's a new factory and is not stable. I went back to the states for about 2 weeks and was told to return early for a meeting. The old factory didn't move to the new one smoothly because the head does not get to go. She convinced my dad not to move and kept most of the machines and workers here, and everything got into a hell-oh-no situation...

August 2006, employees went on a boycott early August because they think their salary is miscalculated (when in reality it isnt) took a break and went to Korea... and really started to think about leaving... but I told myself that I have not yet given this new factory a chance... so... I have decided to stay to see how it goes. Then, there were all those kinds of stuff like Auditing going on, which foreign investors (your customers) comes to check-up your factory to see if it meets the civil standards... and it's kind of funny that they are using the american standard on chinese people in china... cause they are just not on the same level. Then, those people who actually do the auditing are also chinese, and they ask $$$ from you. If you don't give it to them, your audit won't pass.

October 2006, an incident happend where one of the advisor told my mom that a second-tier director that she trust is making money off the factory by selling expensive stuff to the factory, such as an item that cost 15, she adds a 0 in between, or makes double/triple on the items. The director is also managing the audit stuff, and she stole the stuff... so it cause a big trouble to the factory where if you have nothing for the auditors to see, you cannot audit, and your factory cannot produce that specific customers' goods. My mom was in the states at the time, so I had to handle it along with a twn director.. and it was not such a good event.

I wrote a resignation letter to my mom for the first time, I told her this is just not a place for me... Also, another taiwan secretary I met when I enter the factory also left the factory because she could not stand the way my mom works... Well, the employer and the employee are always on two-sides of the weigh... so I couldnt say much about it. Still in contact with her, actually meeting with her in couple days. Of course, the resignation didn't go through, because I was not hard enough about it...

December 2006, I actually went back to the states again w/o my parents there... which was a good 3 weeks for me. I met some friends, ate some and talked for a while... and this really changed my persepective on how I should live my life. However, I have not yet decided what I should do for the near future. The 3 weeks was great and I really want to be in the states, and not somewhere like here... (note that I am not in Beijing or Shanghai, and the factory I am in is not something hi-tech related). Before I was gone, my dad had a minor-stroke, and right side cannot function very well.... so he was in the hospital till end of Dec. He doesnt really listen to us to transfer to a big hospital for care... cause he wants to control his factory, and he wants to be with that woman, so...

January 2007, went back to china again, and lots of problems occurred within this month, which made me really sick about working here. When you work here, if you are a very good worker, you will get a better pay than others, but you will get a lot of stuff to do when you compared to others. In addition, the owner won't let you go what-so-ever, because they wanted you to be here... unless you be an ass and don't work at all. Then, the gov't starts giving us troubles again because they wanted to make money out of you. You have to treat them to restaurants, give them some $$$, and talk good stuff with them. This is not something I can or I will do.. and is my life going to be like this in the future when my mom does not deal with this anymore? I dont want it...

February 2007, my big sister and brother-in-law called me and told me not to return to taiwan during chinese new year because my dad needs someone to take care of. He told my mom he doesnt need anyone to be here with him, and if we want to be here, we need approvals... so my mom got really pissed off and decide to go back to taiwan with me as well. I already had my plans, but then co-workers in taiwan, my aunt, sisters, are all calling us to NOT go back... I just dont get how people can be like this... if my dad doesnt want us to be here, why do I have to be here... its just shitty... at the end, my mom told me to stay, and that's why I am here still in china now on 2/16... While they called, my mom and I complained to them that noone really helps us, all they ask is that "we should do this and that..."

My sister went to states for a show, and stayed there for an extra two weeks. Hey! She gets to work in Taiwan and go to the states for weeks! She and the brother-in-law told me that I should tell them the problems within the factory, give them possible solutions, and they will try to solve it. It's really funny because if I have good solutions, I wouldve solved it myself... I wouldnt need them. Anyhow, I still wrote the letter early Feb., and sent it to them... However, while I am writing this letter, I pointed out many problems, and I figured that I wouldnt want to be the one that handles all these... and there will be more for me when my mom retires.... which is an even horrible thing..

I talked to my 3rd and 4th sister (yeah I have a lot)... and they think it's not a good idea to take off from the factory... but I still wrote the 2nd letter to my mom about resigning, and this time is just that "I dont like here, I wanted to leave" I was thinking of going back to the states on 3/1, but there are no space in the flight, so I have decided to go with the original 3/29 flight going back, then never return. Last night, she wrote a letter to my dad in regards to this issue, and took off to Taiwan today... I dont think my dad suppose to show me the letter, but he did... and he did do the stuff my mom asked him to do... but not in a very good way.. The stuff she wrote on there isnt something I really like... I dont get it... why does she say that "She and my dad will lose me if I take off?" I dont get it.... taking off from China does not mean I am not their son anymore... I just dont want to work at this place... but why?

It makes me feel sick that they are still treating me like an employee... if I take off from China, I am still their son... its just that I am not around them. I dont know why that will = they lose me. Then, my dad talk to me today and commanded me that I have to stay in china for 1-2 years extra. I know this is just a strategy for them... they want to push the time range longer, so I will accept this place, and I will be unable to take off because the duty on me will be way more than what I have now. I dont like this place... and I dont know why I have to be here... just because my parents own the factory?? That's such a lame reason... I cant leave from a place that I dont like? Family ties are such a chain lock...

I am pretty sure noone likes their parents around them 24/7... and I really mean 24/7, she sleeps next to me... (right now she isnt, since she is back in taiwan)... its just ~_~ not that good... everyday i have to work from 9a to 9p... and if i dont work till 9p, I have to take her out... its like... I dont have my own time. In addition, since noone is trustworthy here, I have no friends, I wont even attempt to make friends... cause I know most of them (at least 80%), wants your $$$.. I do have a car, although w/o license, so I cant go far, but thats not a big deal... who cares?? its not like there is anything good for me to go. The best place near here would be an hour drive, which is guangzhou.. however, who wants to go out by yourself or just your mom every time??

I dont know... I dont like the environment here, I have no friends here, I dont like the job here either... I wanted to go back... but I have all these family ties on me... what should I do? Like I said, comments are welcome, whether for or against... but I wonder how many people actually finish reading this... lol

Right now I plan to return on 3/29 (the original plan was return 3/29, come back on 4/6)... and never return to this place, at least not for working here...

i say find a job in US then make sure its good and pay good enough that u can live alone and say "FCK IT i can do this on my own and im sick and tired of you all emo people" =D you must show them that you will do fine on your own and i know you love your family at least right? but still you have to show them tough love cuz i think you should do watever is good for you =D

Tell him you have to save the world and the only way you can do that is by staying in the US. Your oldest sister is more than capable enough to run the factory. You probably grew up experiencing other ways of life so you aren't on the same page as your family which explains you not understanding why you cannot just leave. This is where your family will just have to deal, I guess. I also think it's a very good idea for you to come to the states as soon as possible. What was your education in?

I don't get why your family is holding you in China. You don't like it, you don't share your family's business sense and it seems like the other members of your family are more than capable of handling the situation in China. I understand it might be hard to disappoint your family and leave China but you have to do what's right for you because China is so obviously wrong for you. I say stay in the states and find a good job. The fact that they're treating you as an employee isn't good but I hope they would get over it eventually althought it may be hard at first.

i never believe in doing anything that will make you unhappy. the fact you are having trouble with your family bond shows very well that you do care for them a lot and maybe they will understand that someday, but i think you should really be selfish this time and do what will be good for you. it doesnt sound like you are ever going to get any happier if you stayed there so it'd be best to just get out now and save yourself before you drown. even if they want you there im sure they also dont want you to suffer your whole life either. they will most likely understand in time that you dont want to throw away your life on something that only makes you miserable.

you only get to live once in the time and place you are now, so dont waste it on something meaningless to you. go be happy!

thats just what i think, but no matter what happens i will wish you good luck fishy

Honestly. They're being selfish.

I asked you in June before you left "What would happen if the situation at the factory didn't result as your mother wants?" and your answer assured me that she's well of with or without it and it was more of a personal issue.
They have their own wants and needs. Your father wants his mistress, and will do whatever he needs to- to be able to have his cake and eat it. Your mother, justifiably does not want to hand over years and years of her hard work into that company to that mistress. They both believe your being there will secure all that they are trying to keep and will go to the length of saying that they will not have you if you leave. Like the American Standards are imposed on your factory in China, they are imposing their own concerns on you. I think it is selfish of them to desire their own material values and goals at the expense of your happiness. You deserve to be cared about. I know you care about them-- and that they care about you. But what they are doing is selfish.

You have an education. You know that you want to be happy. You deserve to be happy. And your parents should love and respect you no matter what you do. I think your decision to come to the states is already a signal that you know all of this.

There's my take. :) Goodluck

Mmm a similiar thing is happening with my mom. Well the whole family pressure issue. For the past year (even though I'm set against it) my mom (and some of her friends) have pushed her into petitioning her siblings and parents over from the old Philli Islands to the US. I mean we send money every month to them and here they want us to bring them to the US. I don't even what to think how much of my money will go towards helping my mom if this happens. Imagine extra people living in a housethat don't speak english very well AND is elderly so we have to put in heal care and stuff. Yet my mom is doing it.

I don't want Fish to fall into the same hole. True there are family ties, duty, responsibility, etc. But if you can make it on your own, you should move in the direction if it makes you happier. Worrying and stress takes years off your life! Parents feel entitled to dictate thei lives of their children, and by rebelling against them they feel they lost that authority position as Parent to Child relationship. But you should do what you need to if you want to escape from China. You shouldn't have to be paying for your parent's mistakes. Family is family, yes. But that's not the only thing that defines you.

what kind of factory is it? from what i been reading china is more capitalistic now, so if the old employees are rebeling, find the most capable from the bunch, put them in charge, fire the others and hire new ones. china is also cracking down alot on govt officials on bribes and banquets.

as for if you should stay or go, if you cant really stand it there, move back to USA, anywhere is affordable outside of the bayarea.

if you do have to stay, take a course on doing business in china or read a book on it, might as well learn how to deal with it to make it more tolerable.

fish you must be the only son? so traditional chinese where the eldest and if not only son holds huge responsibilities on taking over the family business. So what stephie says is pretty true where you are the son and your dad wants you to take over the business and your mom needs you here to ensure the business doesnt go to the mistress...mistress is pregnant right? hopefully she doesnt have a son.

you can try to come back to the states for a longer period of time. occasionally check back with your mom abuot the factory. I dont know exactly what you say to your parents, but which ever parent listens; just tell them how you feel. Whether they listen or not, they cant stop you from leaving, but make sure you have a plan.

If your sisters care enough, they should help out and not be in taiwan. thats all you need to say to them if they try to talk crap to you or something.

if you wanna help out the family business. maybe you can find something similar in the states and learn about it and go back later on to improve everything. you cant stop corruption, but at least you can improve the factory on many factors if u acquire more knowledge on what you are doing. like those who try to scam the company, if you knew more, you can get rid of them, train someone you think you can trust or make it a bit harder on yourself to do it. It's obvious the workers know that your dad and mom are having problems, theres a mistress distacting your dad, and you are a noob to everything; so they are taking advantage.

do what u wanna do. but if ever u wanan go back to take over. make sure you know enough where you can go to your workers "you're fired". like that taiwanese female emloyee you mentioned. you need ppl like that to work with you, but of course you gotta know enough yourself.

Thanks for everyone's advice... I guess I know what I should do, although I dont know if I will be successful or not.

My family immigrated to united states in 1992, I was the last of the siblings that moved to the states. I was in Taiwan for education until 6th grade, didn't graduate... then my parents decided to move me to the states because my grandma was afraid of the political problems in Taiwan. Back then, students in Taiwan do not learn English till junior high, so my english is quite poor and I only learned couple months with a private tutor. I was in the ESL program until the end of junior high... so my later education was learned in the states.

Of course, we all experience different lifestyles... my big sister finished her entire education in taiwan, then moved to the states. When I moved to the states, I was taken cared by another lady (which is another mistress of my dad's) + my four sisters. Yes, I am the only son in the family, so if people dont know about the traditional chinese style, you are the one to take over all the responsibilities. This was actually one of the main reason I was pulled to China last Jan., because they told me I have many duties that I must fulfill.

Yeah... I dont like to be here, but they wanted to prepare me for here because they are treating me as if I am going to take over the company. However, I have no interest in it. My mom kinda yelled at me the other day at lunch when I wanted to discuss the issue with her. She said, "unless the factory closes, you cannot leave." This kinda puts me into a guilt trip cause if the factory close down, it's because I left... However, is it so...? I dont think so... to be honest... because the stuff I am doing here isnt that important.

What do I do here? Basically...
- I have to check up almost everything they do. Includes employees hours, payments to suppliers, production reports, material check lists, export/import infos, container load up, auditing related info., misc stuff.
- Prepare auditing related info. that has to do with salary portion (which are fake) for auditors from our customers.
- Translate all necessary english stuff to chinese.
- Attend meetings with customers/suppliers (if necessary).
- E-Mails... (all private related stuff done by me).
- Stamping necessary stuff with Corp.
- Take $$ for petty cash.
- Plan out stuff, make rules and shit.
- Occassionally deal with production lines.

Some of these duties are shared along w/my mom and some personnel, but basically I have to do a lot of paperwork. Yes, I am somewhat controlling most people's salary, but I still have to ask my mom for approvals to add/subtract, and I'd rather do that than making the decision myself cause I dont want to deal with problems.

The current plan is to return to the states on 3/29... and that is part of the original plan to go back for a short break. I might as well just not return, but that will create a big drama here... and I still have a meeting to go through on 2/23 in Taiwan, along w/my mom, maybe my aunt, and my big sister/bro in law. That time I will have to fight with 4 people just on this. I am not going to agree upon staying for 1-2 years, that just wont cut it... The best I'll do is go back on 3/29 instead of 3/1 ~_~ However, then I will be called selfish by them, wouldnt I? ..or maybe they will do something worse by keeping me in China and not letting me go back -_-

I am not the type of the person that will just leave everything behind, so I would need someone to actually take over my job in the meanwhile. Most of the above listed jobs can be shared out, and should be shared out. The boss shouldnt be overlooking at all these, even if its a new factory. However, because people here cannot be trusted, we have to look over every little bits of stuff, to prevent problems. People that work here wont think for the factory, they think for themselves first... People's mind here is "myself first..."

Responding to Stephies... "What would happen if the situation at the factory didn't result as your mother wants?"
- Well, its turning out to what she wants, but slowly... and she thinks if I take off, then the result wont be what she wanted. Therefore, she is forcing me here so the result will turn out to be what she wants. She has done that to everyone who wants to take off, including the secretary I mentioned. However, that requires everyone's cooperation, and not that many people are willing to do so... the place isnt that good, and its way too far. Basically it just turns out to be, "who is going to be the person that will get the happiness?"

lol... zuki, trust me, by the time they get to the states and got the citizenship, you guys are used! Then they wont need you anymore and they will just ignore you. My aunt has gotten her green card already, and our cousin hasnt been willing to help us much on stuff. Its not like we really need their help, but it wouldnt hurt to just help a little and deliver stuff to us, right? However, we are required to go pick it up, whether the stuff is for us or not... What defines a person, zuki? I dont know... I think my life has been planned out by them and I have no way to get out of it unless I rebel. Then, everyone will think of me as a bad son cause I am not doing what my parents wanted and I did not take the so-called "responsibility"

It's a shoe factory, specialized in work boots... you can find shoes made by our factory in wal*mart and payless... if you do go shop there. its hard to find someone you can "really trust" here. They all want something out of you... so i dont know who are the "capable" ones. However, you just cant do everything on your own... so.... you have to use some people for some positions. Those people who are willing to stay are often not the most capable ones... cause the location and area just doesnt suit everyone's need. Would you want to go work in Los Angeles if your friends are all in Irvine, your current home is in Irvine, and you can find a similar job in Irvine? People usually wont come unless you give them a high pay. Even if you do give them a high pay, do they worth it?

Peopler of Republic China lol -.- yes its all about the people that are from China, noone else! The govt here is cracked down. They have one of the best rules for a country, yet the enforcement for these rules are probably one of the worst. People who work for the govt tend to go through all kinds of relationships and loop holes just to get what they wanted from other peopl who needs them, whether businesses or travelers or people. They dont need faces, or have some kind of morals... all they want is $$$ and all they care is they are happy.

He said the mistress was pregnant and he told her to take it out, and it appears that she did. He said that he told the mistress to do that so it means he treated my mom well. Unlike my grand uncle, who has 2 wife, and 4 kids from the first wife and 3 kids from the hidden mistress. In addition, the 3 kids are all sons... so noone would steal your stuff! However, is it really my stuff? I didnt earn, establish, or did anything to acquire it. They are all theirs (my dad and mom)... why would it be mine unless I want to acquire it.. Would people accept what he said on this pregnant issue? He did something wrong and he tried to reason it.

My sisters wont come to China... big sister say she has issues having a baby and her father-in-law has cancer and needs to be taken care of.. my second sister is married too, and in the states with 2 of her kids, so its like impossible for her to help when she has the kids + her husband's dad and mom. On top of that, her husband also has mistress(es) outside, whether in china, taiwan, or the states... so she is on the edge of getting divorced as well. The 3rd sister is the current one handling the business in the states, and the business isnt doing very well... and this sister isnt very smart at things... she doesnt know how to corner or make turns... kinda dull. The 4th sister is quite smart, and she chose not to come in by finding a job recently in jan. I have not spoken to 2nd sister about this issue, and big sister basically is like a "no" to me, and 3rd/4th are on the questionable phase (?)

I wanted to capture a screen of this from that episode.

lmao.

I meant to post here sooner, sorry. Also just skimmed over all that:P I'm probly the last person that should be giving family advice, but here's my 2 cents. In your situation I can assume you're feeling trapped, your family wants you there, but you can't stand it, they keep dragging you into their drama. I was in a situation kind of like yours, not the family buisness aspect, but family drama type. I took the easy and coward way out of the trap, I hit my dad, he deserved it and gawd did I feel better after doing it, I'm completely free now and I feel great, but for you I don't think it's to the point to where you need to close them off, in my situation there was nothing else to do and it was wrong. Your mom has been cheated on, that's hard for anyone, and since she sleeps near you she seems to have a dependancy on you and doesn't want you to "abondon" her too. As for myself, I have strong feelings about betrayal and adultry, I'd rather my wife just kill me than to cheat on me. My dad had cheated on my mom too about 10 years ago, it got really messy, but now she's in denile that it ever happened. When I went to Thailand with him, he even addmitted that he had visited there before and that I could possibly have a younger brother running around Thailand, so that's 2 times I know that he cheated. She even talks to herself while doing the dishes and crap. But she's reacted the oppisite of what your mom has, I think, after my dad cheated on her she seemed to take her anger for him out on me, I don't mean hitting, just yelling and stuff. Considering that your mom's letter said something about never seeing their son again (something like that, to lazy to look:P) then she is afraid of loseing her "baby boy." I'd say handle right and slow. Try lowering your hours, 9am to 9pm is waaay to long to work. I was a mover once, went to work at 6am and didn't get home till around midnight, just moved heavy ass tables and safes in and out of banks all day....why do banks have to have "real" furnature..the pay was great and tax free, but working all day took it's toll. You can't have fun working all day, hell 9-5 is to much too, what's that leave before you have to sleep but 4 or 5 hours a day to do what you want to. Anyway do what makes you happy, like Stephie said, but let your family know how you're feeling. If anyone should understand they should, is what I want to say, but my family never understood my views and I really thought they would. I probly didn't halp any, but goodluck.